As I reflected on yesterdays blog and had an overwhelming response to how familiar it was with so many other women, I thought I should follow up.
I don't believe I am an expert by any means, but I have worked really hard to fix what I felt to be an all consuming, anxious feeling I have had. Being a mom is hard, really hard. Here are the things I believe can help make it just that much easier.
PLAN, PLAN, PLAN...GET ORGANIZED, GET ORGANIZED, GET ORGANIZED. I remember back when I was a first year teacher. Oh my goodness, what had I gotten myself in to?!?! I was so overwhelmed with what I was doing I just felt simply LOST!! But as the years went on and I had built up lesson plans, worksheets, websites, and activities things got so much easier. I felt like I knew what I was doing and not just wandering day to day. Each year I built on to what I had the previous year. To me, being a mother is very similar. If you don't plan ahead and build up your arsenal, you will just wander day to day being lost and anxious in the overwhelming amount of choices you have to make.
Step One: Cleaning!! Cleaning is such a hassel, but it has to be done. Get your house in order. Clean it and organize it. This will be your starting point so cleaning will become a 20-30 minute gig once a day. You will need some help. Get your husband, mom, friend, or babysitter to help you out by being responsible for the kids for a day or two. This will most likely work on the weekend. Now that you have your house deep cleaned, doing maintenance is so much easier. I personally pick one room to do a day.
Sample:
Mondays-Kitchen: counter tops, microwave, refrigerator, floors (I do the kitchen on Monday because our trash comes on Tuesday and anything I throw out of the fridge wont be sitting and stinking)
Tuesdays-Living room/playroom: dust, clean toys, floors
Wednesdays-Bathrooms: tub, shower, sinks, counters, toilets, floors (I want to remind you that you started with a very clean house, and because you are cleaning it once a week this should not take you very long.)
Thursdays-Master Bedroom: dust, floors, wash sheets
Fridays-Laundry day
Saturdays-Kids Room/Spare Room: dust, floors
Sundays-Strollers, Car seats, Cars
Key points to remember-It's okay if you get really busy and skip something. You are doing every room once a week, so if you miss a day, it will get done the next week. Also,make this fit your schedule. If cleaning the bathroom takes the longest for you, plan it on a day when you are home the whole day and not taking kids to class, practice, or play dates.
Step Two: Use a calender. I have mine in the kitchen hanging on the wall for everyone to see. I didn't like the look of it so I made it all pretty to feel better. Next to the calender I have cork boards and magnetic boards to place reminders, important mail, and my meal plan for the week. I make a point to look at it first thing in the morning to see what I have planned.
Using a calender will also help you see the big picture. For many of us the concern is too little with out kids or maybe too much with our kids. Both are valid and you need to find a balance. Kids need your attention, and a lot of it, but kids NEED to be confidant in themselves too...and that means being away from you!! Balance your week with activities such as mommy and kiddo time, play date time with other kids, and "alone" time.
Personally, I have to have some ME time every week. I love the song (and I don't know the lady's name who sings it, but it is on one of the kids cartoons) that says "in a house, in a home, there are sisters and brothers, there are mothers and fathers, and theres ME, ME, ME!! I joined a group at church that meets for 2 hours every Wednesday. They provide child care, so babies are getting some independent time, and I get to meet with other moms and study God's word. This has become very important to me and in so many ways rejuvenates me.
Also, get together with other moms and have play dates. Try for every other week. Children love to play and learn from other kids. I also feel it is important to have your kids grow up and become close to your friend's kids. They can make life-long friendships this way. Plus, you get to visit with your girlfriends. If you don't have anyone to do this with-seek it out. Ask your church or get online for mom groups in your area. This may be out of your comfort zone, but everyone in this group is in the same position.
If you have 2 little ones try to plan something once a week to do with each one individually. This will work best on the weekends or at night when daddy is home. It will give each of you individual time with your kids so they feel special and builds/keeps a bond there.
Step Three: Make a schedule and stick to it. Your and your children need to know what to expect. I do the same basic things with my kids everyday. This will vary house to house.
8-9 Wake-up, brush teeth, change diapers/clothes, eat breakfast, and fee play
9-10 Learning-Based Activities (this varies depends on the age of your kids but should include no matter the age: reading books, playing with puzzles, sorting, and blocks) Right now we are working on colors, counting, letters, animals/animal sounds, body parts
10-11 Snack time and Quite time-Never leave a kid hungry. Healthy snacks to keep them going is very important (I usually eat a little something here too!!)
Quite time-This may be hard at first, but you will really appreciate your hard work in the long run. even babies need quite time, so no matter the age of your kid, this is important. If they are not mobile use the playpen. Put them in there with 3-4 toys, no more because they need to learn to play with what they have and enjoy it. If they are mobile use a rug, gate, or whatever you have. I personally use boxes with the day of the week written on it. Holden now knows exactly what to do when I say, "it's time for your box". In hs boxes I have a puzzle, a book, and then one or two other items such as a calculator, fake cell phone, Popsicle sticks and a cup to place them in, magnetic toy with change of clothes, cars, etc...(there is a website on Pinterest that I got my ideals from). These things need to be things they only see that day so they are special to them.
Now-place them in their spot and set a timer (I use mine on my cell phone). Do not let them get out until that timer goes off. They may cry at first, but they will get the hang of things very quickly. Start with a small amount of time at first, maybe 10 minutes, and then add to it every few days until you reach your desired time. Mine is 30 minutes. Holden already knows when the "beep beep" goes off it's clean up time and time to get out. If your little one cannot make it as long as an older child, use this opportunity to do some tummy time or whatever else you are working on.
During this time I get things done I need to do. Wash bottles, cleaning, prep for lunch, pay bills, whatever you need to do. Do not feel bad about this. They need some time on their own everyday. It is good for them!!
11-12 Crafts-this should be a planned activity that is age appropriate. Remember this is learning time too!! This is also the time that my little guy goes down for his nap, so it works out perfectly to spend some time with Holden.
12-12:30 Free play and mom cleans up crafts
12:30-1 Lunch and cartoon
1-3 Nap time (This time should be yours. Use it to get things done, but make a point to put at least 30 minutes for rest and relaxation for you. You may feel the need to get everything done here, but don't. Use some of the time to do something for you. You will be a better mom the rest of the afternoon if you do)
3-3:30 Snack/cartoon (my boys have to have some wake-up time)
If weather permits I use the rest of my day for outside time. My boys love it and I keep them out there as much as possible. I also use this time for a walk for me. Even if it is 20 minutes, that is some great exercise time for me!!
6:15 Dinner and clean up
7:00 Start baths and bedtime (have a routine here, that is very important)
Keep music playing in your house during non-t.v. time. I have found this makes me and the boys very happy.
Be flexible and arrange what works best with your family. Outside time may need to be in the morning. Whatever works for you.
On days you have something scheduled you can still stick to the schedule. Take out some free play and craft time and then rearrange what you need to.
Step Four: Activities. What do yo do? Is it age appropriate? Will they be learning anything? How many do I need to do? Oh boy!!! Just like when I was a teacher, it is hard at first, but if you plan and build up your arsenal it will become so much easier. Use websites to help...HELLO Pinterest, ask friends what they have done, and then write it down or print it off and put it in a binder. Keep that binder handy and then plan ahead. I like to sit down every Sunday and plan what I will do for the week. This will help you see what supplies you will need. This can also go on the calender so you can see the bigger picture. Here is a website that I like that gives you weekly themes for the month. It does cost $15 a month, but for those that aren't creative it could be a big help.
www.adaycare.com
Side note-I also like to have a section in the binder for "rainy day" activities, "sick day" activities and road trips.
Step Five: Meal Plan-I personally write out a meal plan for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks every Sunday night. I do it for the entire week and then I stick to it. This helps me make out my grocery list and saves money. Eat healthy. Your kids need it and so do you. Plan for mostly lean protein, lots of fruits and veggies, and slow carbs. I also have 2 cheat meals for myself a week. Wednesday mornings at my Soul Sister's group and Saturday night after church we go out to eat. I eat whatever I want!! The rest of the time I eat healthy. I personally do not eat meat, so I eat a lot of beans, veggie burgers, whey protein in a smoothie, and protein bars. Sweets are a treat and should be just that. But do have them!!
Step Six: Take care of yourself. Sleep when you can and exercise. How? When? I know, I know!! Go to bed at night. When you put your kids down at night, make it a point to be in bed within an hour. If you don't get everything done, do it the next day. Make a list of priorities and go down the line. Low priority items can wait. I exercise in the mornings before the boys get up. It makes me feel better throughout the entire day. If you don't have a lot of time, make it 20 minutes. Even that will make you feel so much better and as you go on you will have more energy and eventually you can increase this time. Also, get together with your girlfriends once a month for dinner and girl time. Husbands can do the same thing too.
Step Seven: Take care of your marriage. Go on date nights. Try for once every other week. You may have to get a sitter or maybe you can ask grandparents. It is hard to get this going. By the time it comes you are both tired and you know you will have to get up in the morning with the kids. You only live once. Do it even if you don't want to. You will enjoy yourself once you are out and you will keep that very important connection with your husband that can so often be taken away from the day to day of being parents. We also have "sleep in days". On the weekends we each get a day to sleep in/get some stuff done/me time. If I get Saturday morning he gets Sunday morning. This works for us because we go to church on Saturday nights. We get until 10 in the morning without any parent responsibilities. I love this one and I look forward to it. I am now trying to implement a once a month "free day" One day a month we each get to do whatever we want. I can use this time to go to the movies, get my nails done, hair done, whatever!!
All of this may seem very overwhelming at first. But just like with anything else, the more you do it the easier it becomes. With all of the planning and organizing when you do have a sick child or something comes up or just a chaotic day, they become so much less stressful because all of the planning is already done. Also, don't feel guilty of the me time. You will be such a better mom because of it.
I know I still have so much more to learn about this mom thing. I really am learning as I go. I hope you can add to all this. Please leave comments so all the moms can see what you do and what you have to offer. Sharing advice is how we all learn and grow.
XOXO,
Jamie
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