Okay-I know its my own doing that brought me to this point...and I am so glad I did...but being a mom of 2 under 1 has proven to be a real challenge. It's not just all the work that goes into every single day, BUT the guilt of feeling like I am not spending enough time with each of them has been the worse. Holden is at the age of exploration of everything and Hunter is on the move. Is this for real? I find myself asking that almost every day.
My biggest problem is the fear of not being perfect or even just not good enough. Not having them eat the PERFECT food, not having them do the PERFECT activities, and the list goes on and on. And on top of that, I also feel like I never give enough to myself. Am I losing "myself" in being this perfect mom? I love to exercise, but getting up early has its challenges. Do it at the end of the night-right?!?! I'm so tired I can barely make it up the stairs and into bed.
I have realized through several blog postings and talking with friends that almost every mom I know feels this same way. It doesn't really matter how old your kids are or what stage in your life you are in. We are all in this constant battle of being PERFECT and being real...so I say-I don't want to be perfect!! That's right. I just want to enjoy my kids because God has blessed me with this once in a life time opportunity. I want to enjoy my life. I don't want to worry about this and that. I know in my heart that if my boys know I love them, they will be fine. I also know that if I love myself, my boys will be fine.
My boys, by the way, show me eveyday, somehow or another, how truely awesome being a mom of 2 under 1 really is. I don't know any other way and I wouldn't have it any other way. All it takes is one smile, kiss, crawl, or brother helping brother to remind me. God put me here to be Holden and Hunter's mommy.
So here is to not being perfect!!
Jamie
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