How skinny can you get?

Having aways been on the "thin" side (due to sports/cheerleading/hyper-active personality) I never really thought of being any other way.  However, during college I got a little bigger...my freshman 15 ended up being like a sophomore 25.  It was easy getting that off, I was still young and only needed to change my eating...I mean drinking habits.  But then I put on the weight again during my breast cancer treatment.  As if it wasn't enough to be bald and having hot flashes, I also gained about 30 pounds.  No activity and steroids all played a part this time.  Once I started feeling better, and hit an all time low in self esteem, I lost that weight too.  I was skinnier than I had been in years.  Having the scars (mental and physical) made me feel like I could only control one part of my body and that was my weight.  A few years went by, never really having to work hard to be "skinny" I got pregnant with my first son.  I am a vegetarian and a healthy eater all around, but still gained 30 lbs.  I wasn't that concerned.  I knew I could get the weight off.  I was also happy that I enjoyed my pregnancy.  BUT, I got pregnant 2 months later with my second son.  Oh boy!  Didn't really have any time to loose much weight.  I was determined to keep it under control this time...I gained 25 lbs.  Oh well, it was all worth it.  I quickly jumped on the chance to start loosing the weight and exercising again.  It came off pretty fast, but my body is not the same yet.  Hunter is only 10 months old, and I know I still have a lot of time and work to put in, but I am learning to like my "adult body".  I am not 18 anymore.  I will never have narrow hips again!!  This is hard, really hard, to come to terms with.  My mom and I were watching a show and I said I would love to wear that but it's for skinny people.  My mom said to me, "Jamie, how skinny can you get?".  It really made me start thinking about how I view myself.  All I know is this-I am going to be the BEST me "now" possible.  I just want to be healthy and fit, no matter what that looks like on the scale.  I'm not going to lie, I still get on the scale to see where I am in this journey, but I will not let it make me feel bad or guilty or fat or ugly or any of the things it can do to a women.  I am determined and happy to just work hard toward my goal and in the mean time love me for who I am!!

Holden 19 months

Holden,

The changes you have made in just one short month are unreal.  You love to run so fast.  Being outside, or "side" as you say, is your favorite thing.  You have turned into the sweetest little bug, giving mommy kisses all the time.  Although you still love to be held by your mommy, you must walk everywhere yourself.  So independent.  Mommy and daddy had to move you up to the 2 1/2 year old class in the church nursery because you look so big compared to all the kids in your class.  You have a memory that none of us can believe.  You already know so many words, at your check up your doctor said you were well advanced.  Counting is your new favorite thing.  You already count to 10!!  We are so proud of you Holden.  We know you are going to be the best big brother ever.

Love always,
Mommy and Daddy

Hunter 9 months

Hunter,

Mommy and daddy cannot believe you are already 9 months old.  You are all over the place now.  You are a super fast crawler.  You have no fear.  You love to crawl under the table and under the slide.  You are also pulling up on everything, especially the window seal to watch the dogs play outside.  At 9 months you are eating so much more.  You love all fruits and veggies now, but your favorite is cereal.  Your doctor said you were great at your 9 month check up.  Weighing 20 lbs and 6 oz, standing 29 in tall and right on track.  Brother is your most prized possession right now.  Anything he has, you must also have.  Whenever daddy gets home from work you couldn't be happier.  We think you will be walking soon.  We love you Hunter William, you are the sweetest, most tender hearted little boy we know.

Love always,
Mommy and Daddy